he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Watching her eat just hurts me
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
