Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
