He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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