did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
