Need sex. Gaining weight.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
