I think i sorta joined a cult last night
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
