i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
