I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
