i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
