I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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