Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
