we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
