I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
