Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
