Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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