is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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