I just saw a hot homeless man
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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