Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
