my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
