I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The power of my boobs compel you
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
