i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
