Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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