hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm experimenting with sincerity
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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