im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
