Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
