I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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