: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
