I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
