Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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