I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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