If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
