yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
