I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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