omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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