Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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