don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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