My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
