Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
