We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
