He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
