i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
