Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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