My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
