you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
