Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
