The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
