cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
