Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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