I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
