According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
